Pink Notebook 2

by Mike Defendant 

 

Round 2's pink notebook will put me on track. Daily meditation used to bring my life back. I don't know what will happen today, I'll go with the flow, and it's better that way. This kind of loneliness fills me with pain. Just me and this notebook, a pencil, my brain! I already miss my family and friends. This is day one, Im not sure when it ends. 

My mind is racing fast like my heart. As I just keep pacing, "Am I falling apart?" Who am I? Who am I to me? I just try, I just try to "be" not this sick and out of control. Always a loser, always a fool. These thoughts define me and lock me away. I'll stand here speechless, nothing to say. Preventative measures to keep me from here always come 3 fold and leave me in fear. 

I must break this bind, it squeezes so tight. It must be my mind, the pieces ain't right. Can't reach out and there's nothing left to touch. Everything is gone now, I don't amount to much. My self worth slips away with the breeze. I'm just hurt by the ways of this disease. Fix me with the medicine, all that I can take. I just want my head again and body not to ache. 

I'll find a new way to live my life while I'm here. Not forever hiding in this basement out of fear. If these walls are caving in, we have to break them down. I'll learn to wear a smile when I learn to lift this frown. I will get better. it's always the goal. I'll love myself some day, I'll take control!